An obsession with the least-visited National Park Service property in the country animates an argument for vanishing.
Feeling small in a big open places, the stars and the bears. Mountains forming, rivers shaping. Well said.
H A N D S FOR D O I N G
O, so much to say.
I should away with these headings that categorize posts because everything is one, these things are fluid.
I am floored thinking about what it means that God is always good, that he is Aslan at my side, and evermore no matter what physical blessings I might see in life. What is a job, a beautiful home, perfect weather, when he is always there and good good good. What is it that makes me forget this, doubt this. Is it the devil in the world, or humanness that eats at me? Lots of thoughts. Please read stories from Haiti - http://joshandchandler.tumblr.com/post/55042888306/the-simpler-things
Sun shines ever so much these days though, and it really does change my mood. I am loving every millimeter of warmth on my skin. Thank you Jesus. The sun shines on England. Long sweaty days, starting in the early morn as light pokes in through my scarf-curtain even with another house 3 meters away. Sunset runs and late late dinners of sandwiches and fruit. The sleep comes heavy. My all day-s have been toiling in the lab which actually is no toil at all. I love lab. Bring me no-air-conditioning, construction outside, materials to label and organize, sediment to sieve all day or chemicals to entertain, and I am set. Hands for doing. And it’s all nearly to myself, with views over the city since fume hoods have to be off the ground floor. The ideal gas law, or something like that.
I gave up caffeine, and it’s been positively perfect. I really love coffee culture though, and haven’t ever minded being addicted to it. It tastes amazing. I just like it strong and with some milk, thank you kindly. Until I started losing all focus. It’s not like I have ever been hyper, not even remotely since post-thirteen years old, but I have great difficulty focusing on the task at hand. I’m a wanderer, dreamer, and I have six internet windows open right now even without caffeine. I’m happy drinking decaf and getting work done the last few weeks. How’s that for change.
A few weeks ago I had a penultimate and resounding NO come back from the medics. I am not to dive. No scuba, no more mermaid dreaming. The asthma of my youth is apparently still alive in my lungs, and I am unfit to dive. It’s been a dream for years, and I am devastated. It’s so strange and modern, privileged too, to wear so much equipment and pseudo breath under water. But it truthfully sounds marvelous and I am sad that my dream was not dashed away sooner before I dreampt of it so. I’m not sure that’s how I really really feel, but maybe. There’s a lot of other adventure out there for me, that’s for sure.
This “no” has me wondering if maybe I don’t just want to do things that come more naturally for me. Studying the ocean is everything to me - God is the ocean, in mystery, beauty, and power. But I have so many gifts that I was born with, that are me, that I don’t use. How can I continue to struggle in science even though it fascinates me, while neglecting so many creative bones in my body? Seeking a way to be all these things. I think this is life long journey.
My heart is full and I feel gracious for friends far away in California, family getting hitched and family in pain that I wish I could hold, a man that is steadfast and genuine even as he wildly plays in the Scottish Highlands. Thank you Jesus.
What have you learned about yourself the most this year?
I’M STILL AN ANIMAL
- I choose which side of a sidewalk, park, route to take to optimize the number of dog encounters. Dog encounters still occur about 2% of the time. Aiming for that 2%.
- When apartment searching I am immediately sold by “near Whole Foods”. Imagine the dinner satisfaction of every ingredient at your doorstep. Secondarily hardwood floors, vaulted ceilings, green space, etc.
- Completed a seminar talk for my dissertation research. That is no small fact! It was really difficult, but it feels good. I have the kind of learning trajectory that feels like I am always just warming up… time to learn how to keep that heat on. Or is this humility?
my main man, the world, and adventures in fluid dynamics in his words.
SUNNING THESE BONES
Wanderlusting friends make me happy as a clam, as does this place. Megan and Elisa in London. Nostalgia for the present moment, is that possible? These are the days. So happy hearted.
Abbey Road was so normal, it is literally a sidewalk in front of the recording studio, in the middle of a residential neighborhood, two blocks from the tube station, with lots of people running across it and handing cameras back and forth. And that is why it is so perfect! The Beatles just walked out the studio and strolled along in their funky garb, and a miracle was born. It gives me some kind of nostalgia for foggy summer evenings hanging out by the beach and getting a milkshake from Saturn at midnight.
It’s been a toasty 50F in Plymouth, but the sun shone and we took to the beach, the rooftop. Frisbee and picnics to relish the mood. Things are blooming, green buds on trees. A couple of spectacular tulip trees in Central Park in Plymouth that I hadn’t known were tulips before… I love familiar things far from home.
That’s a lot of what Italy was like. Its amazing how the same conditions can bring about the same things! Mediterranean California climate. I like how it smells of dirt and rain, and I like the Italian personality. Sometimes people seemed serious or on edge, but then they would see their friend and explode in smiles. I think they are just more real, and that’s okay if it means I don’t get the extra smiles.
I am reading this amazing book called Reef Madness on Darwin, Louis and Alex Agassiz’. Louis Agassiz founded the Harvard wing of Zoology that is now the foundation of the Harvard Natural History Museum. They fiddled around and worked their brains off parsing differences among each species… we take that for granted especially considering they did this novel work only 150 years ago. Needless to say… I am very excited to move to Boston in a few months to explore the oldest area of American science. Colin accepted a PhD position in Applied Math at Harvard!